Is matchmaking good? I don’t know. Is Christ in support of it? I really don’t know

Is matchmaking good? I don’t know. Is Christ in support of it? I really don’t know. But I’m sure if there was a cool really solid guy around Jesus and I’m here wanting for a husband, Jesus will not hesitate to bring the bro over  to my house over dinner as per Jesus Girl.

Is it good for Christians to visit dating site?  I can’t remember Jesus saying anything about dating probably because people didn’t date in biblical times,  so I will just apply common sense.

Where do people meet these days? Online.

You shop online.

You work remotely.

You have signed up for different courses online.

Your bank is on your phone.

Your church is on your phone.

Your movie cinema is Netflix.

Yet you demonize a dating site.  The platform is just like any other social media platforms.

My true sisters have very predictable lifestyle. They go to work Monday to Friday, sleep in on Saturdays or attend Choir rehearsals and head to church on Sundays. Considering that you do not sneak into clubs, the only weddings you attend are your cousins’ wedding, and you are the girl who will never be at a sporting event, go to the gym or hang out all alone; where are you going to meet new people, make acquaintances and network if not online?

Adeyinka Adegoke has this fine networking site and  people are asking him if he has prayed about it. What is there to pray about?

Did you pray before you signed up on Facebook?

What Psalms did you read before joining Linkedin?

Instagram, your second home? You prayed about that too?

If you are on Facebook, I’m sure some funny guy would have randomly sent you “xup babe” at one time and yet you didn’t delete your account or rush off to meet him the following week. You decided if you wanted to be “xuped” or not.

Maybe it’s just a bit of religion holding you back  but per adventure you want to check out Yinka’s website – go here.

Dating is a social means of finding a partner and there is nothing wrong with it.Truth is, there is no spiritual field manual that tells you how to behave in everyday situations, so  you have to think, talk , pray and be ready to move.

Go there with your common sense. And your eyes opened, with your extrasensory perceptions on full working mode and trust your guts. This is me assuming that you are a spiritual creature indeed.

Same principles apply. Don’t be in a hurry to marry someone you just met (virtually). There’s a lot of ‘packaging’ online.

You can’t ignore warning signs. The fuse might just blow in your hands. You will be badly burned.

We will not be at pity-parties to hear stories that touch, you are an adult.  You shouldn’t put yourself in awkward situations, then come back to start a thread on #menarescum or women are bitches. There’s no need for desperation. Enjoy the friendship and move if it doesn’t work.  Moving is easier when you haven’t tested the mic, you get? 

PS-  I will not be able to comment back and forth if you are still living in 1970 and think networking site is a sin; you can wait for your own partner, he or she will come and will not tarry. Amen?

 

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My dear christian sisters, don’t be bothered about testing the mic before the real show

Permit me to copy and paste from our learned friends at the Family Law courts:

The Court may declare a marriage invalid on the following grounds:

  • At the time the parties were married, one of them was married to someone else.
  • The parties are in a prohibited relationship.
  • The parties did not comply with the laws in relation to the marriage in the place they were married.
  • Either party was not of a legal age to marry.
  • Either of the parties did not give their real consent to the marriage because consent was obtained by duress or fraud,
  • one party was mistaken as to the identity of who they were marrying or the nature of the ceremony,
  • one party was mentally incapable of understanding the nature and the effect of the marriage ceremony.

If I marry you only to find out afterwards that Mr Johny is dead, it’s a marriage obtained by fraud because I was not forewarned that I’m signing up for celibacy.

It doesn’t matter how extravagant the wedding party was, whether KSA was on the music stand or the marriage was in a flying chopper, it won’t matter if someone gave us a condo in our new names or if the Pope led us into saying the vows, I have legal rights to walk away from you and your deceitfulness.

My dear Christian sister, don’t be bothered about testing the mic before the real show. If the mic doesn’t work on the day of the show, you are free to cancel.  Let no one bother you and beat your head with scriptures. That was a marriage by deceit, it’s not even divorce; it is invalid.

Of course, you are bothered about what Pastor Joe will say, and what Uncle Ken will say and the aunties that will not let you breathe in uncontaminated air. You’ve got plenty brave options:

  1. Tell them the marriage was the work of the devil and your eyes just cleared (isn’t it?)
  2. Tell them bobo said he’s not ready for marriage anymore (is he?)
  3. Or tell them to park well ( well, if you can)

Another option is to be like Father Joseph, cover up for him. Use your church mind and be praying for the liar man, who knows Johny might come to life. This our Lord Jesus does amazing miracles.

On a serious note, if he married you knowing he is impotent and didn’t disclose that to you, you are pretty free to take a walk if you want to. You haven’t offended either God or the law if you choose not to be in a fraud of a marriage.

If he’s got sexual health issues, it should have been discussed before the marriage and if both parties are willing, they can seek help together or commit to loving themselves without sex.  Shebi sex is not food?

And to the ‘is-sex-the-only-thing-in-a-marriage’ group, just sit at the back, we will soon come and serve you also. Amen? emoji_sexface

PS – There is always someone out there willing to walk your journey with you, don’t trick anyone who is unwilling.

Our fathers failed us, and the current president isn’t excluded. 

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Sometimes in 2014, some bunch of political office seekers promised to tackle unemployment, insecurity and improve standard of living; we bought their lies.  Nothing has changed since 2014, unemployment indices haven’t improved and insecurity grew from one zone of the nation to every zone having its own pockets of trouble.  One hears that Zamfara state is filled with bandits even in broad daylight, yet we have a president.

We have a president who has had a job for 3 years but has been away from work for more than 500 days on the job call a teeming youth population lazy.

Lazy? Has he employed them and they didn’t show up at work?

Did he fix electricity and these lazy bunch failed to be productive?

Did he tackle cattle grazing and these men didn’t go back to their farms? Does he not know how many young Nigerians have lost hectares of produce, time and resources to cattle rearers?

Has he overhauled the Nigerian education system?

Has he been able to curtail lassa fever? Have we not lost over 3 ‘lazy’ doctors on their jobs to this disease?

Has he done anything to industrialize Nigeria? Are the few industries ran by the federal government not in comatose already?

His generation failed us. The generation after him failed. They only sit down to tell us stories about when there were jobs waiting for you immediately after your first degree. They tell us about how their first employers enticed them with Peugeot 504 or the popular tortoise Volkswagen. They tell us about living in University of Ife, living large and feeding on milk and chicken. They tell us about when 1 GBP was N1.50k.

Who and what destroyed this nation?

Were we part of the Oil boom era? The oil boom of the 1970s has been said to be responsible for the emergence of disorderliness in Nigeria because of incredible boost in the foreign exchange earnings. So what oil money was he talking about? Have we handled this money? The only oil many of us have seen is palm oil. Depression and poverty boomed, not wealth. We were not even born before you brought the ruins upon us; the greediness of our fathers and the recklessness of our leaders have brought us thus far. They have worked hard in 40 years to ensure that Nigeria only favours them, after they have enjoyed free education, working infrastructures and a great economy, they still hold on to the reins of power and stay put on thrones to ensure their chosen few continue in the legacy of  enriching themselves with the nation’s wealth. Our fathers failed us, and the current president isn’t excluded.

Does he have courage and resilience like  Nigerian youths have? We live in a country whose leaders have no plan for the next generations than to wave at us at political gatherings and come back to yap us later yet we survive.

An average Nigerian youth with a 9-5 has a side gig to support his $300 monthly income. Then there are others who have about 3 businesses to stay afloat, the baker with her hands in the dough at night and her make-up brush by day. There is the graphics designer who is also a carpenter. There is the video editor who is a photographer and actor. There are scores on jobs they have no joy doing but can’t quit because bills have to be paid. Daily we fight hard to keep our sanity while earning a decent living, we fall, we rise, we stumble, we shine, yet you are insulting our courage in a nation that has no agenda for its youth.

Ask the about-to-retire generation what holds after retirement, they are clueless and scared.  They are not willing to leave a job they have had in 35 years to the ‘lazy generation’, even the commander in chief is not willing to go back to Duara at 80.

The class leader of a clueless, reckless generation calling a struggling hustling generation lazy, it’s not his fault, the lazy Nigerian youths voted him to power.

What’s the difference between being lazy and not motivated?

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I should turn in my article every Wednesday though it gets published on Fridays. But this is Friday morning and I am struggling with my different drafts, notebooks and laptop. I am simply uninspired to follow through a draft and make it worth reading. There is that temptation to text the publisher with a ‘fine excuse’ for not writing. But I want to be able to look back in December 2018 and have at least 60 articles with my bye-line.

Sometimes, most times, I feel really lazy and unmotivated but the goal is not to be on my dying bed with flashes of things I could have done but did not do because no motivation (spelt – L.A.Z.I.N.E.S.S.)

Do I need inspiration/motivation to write? Yes.

Can I write without it? Yes. Why am I not writing then?

Today, I need grit, I need eyes on the goal, I need focus to pull through and beat laziness. A man once told me, “If you don’t have good enough reason to do something then it will be hard to get it done”.  The reason is all the inspiration I need for today. May inspiration come another time.

Waiting for that inspiring feeling or incidence to be your magic, to make you act and come alive is putting your life in the hands of a cruel fate.

What if it never happens? I have been waiting for inspiration to write since Monday.

 

 

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What if I get inspired tomorrow after the deadline?

What if when that magical incidence or inspiration comes , you season is passed, you have no energy to come alive or in Fredrick Nietczsche words “your limbs have gone to sleep and your spirit have become too heavy”? Are you masking laziness and have given it a fine name?

What’s the difference between being lazy in life and not motivated? I don’t think there is any except there are underlying health issues sapping your energy. I can hand you a list of 101 Ways To Be Motivated and your motivation meter will still be ice-cold because being motivated and staying lazy reflect personal choices.

Laziness, motivation, inspiration – or are we dealing with fear? Life with all its ups and downs feels us most times with trepidation.  We all are afraid yet moving. No one is promised security by the universe, we are just swinging along, but in the end, those who would be happy are those who found strength to even swing

The absence of fear, laziness and confidence is  an illusion we love living in because it prevents us from taking serious decisions, making changes, or in my case writing my column and until you start, you don’t know how much you can do.

And errrrmmm, forget about something or someone coming to motivate you or cheer you on. You should be your strongest inspiration and cheerleader, until you do that, no one will come fill the role.  Fate that is not in your hand is not your friend, your fortune and rising has to be intentional. Replace motivation with hardwork; let’s see how it pans out. Laziness is that demon denying you greatness, get rid of it.

“I was thinking one day and I realized that if I just had somebody behind me all the way to motivate me I could make a big difference. Nobody came along like that so I just became that person for myself.”- Unknown

 

first draft appeared on pridemagazineng.com

Image from tumblr.com

On polygamy: There is peace in sharing

Most women around here want marriages. For every girl that gets giddy because some guy took to his knee with a ring in his hand, I want to pull her back and ask, “do you really want to do this?” Marriage is hardwork, and most times the woman does the bulk of the work. So what is the excitement about this work you are about to start?

I can’t even be consoled by the promise of intimacy and companionship and love and tenderness and the unending promises. Women tend to prefer intimacy but I am the girl who wants space, plenty of it. I don’t want to be smothered and no, I’m not unhappy.

A working relationship is hard work. Good marriages call for harder work. And chores- about 80% of our lives are made up of chores; eating, cleaning, washing, ironing add childcare to that list, visiting families, husband care.  That’s so much work for a lazy ass like me. The modern wife will have this idea about sharing chores in her head, dear Mrs. Wife, the bulk of house chores will still fall on you ma’am.

Then there is husband care- and one cannot delegate that in monogamy; supporting him, prioritizing him, admiring him, making sexual advances at him, cheering his team and cooking bad ass meals. That’s for a non conclusive list.   I am not the girl who wants to turn her kitchen into a creative studio and be arranging cauliflowers over carrots, or making a swan out of pineapples and melons. Can we eat and go away; I only cook because one has to eat, period.

Five out of seven days, I don’t want to be a wife. I do not feel like it but I string along. Before you think someone is pummeling my face with dirty words or heavy blows, I live with a perfect gentleman. It’s just me, my wife material must be about 2 yards; it can only sew a skimpy dress.

Some women do these like goddesses day in and out. I lack that power.

I have come up with a proposition – Can we just be married 1 week out of the four in a month? Or maybe the last weekend of the month?

Don’t laugh at me, I envy polygamists. Not the ones believing God for their children’s school fees please, we are talking about billionaires.

Imagine life as the sixth wife of a billionaire. Your life is bliss.  You have no problem worrying how to stock the fridge while the sun is burning skins in Agege market.  You can fold your hands and pretend you did not hear the deafening thunder announcing the heavens are about to let down heavy waters, it’s not your duty to worry about the aired-laundry. You are not bothered about what to cook or eat after a long day. You are already spoilt for choice.

You have staffs you are not sure of their job descriptions.  There is the gardener who is not the ‘maiguard’ and the house manager who is not the nanny, and then you have a bright young girl as a P.A who locks down your ‘busy itinerary’, and a driver to drive you both around events.

Your real life job is to enjoy life; every other thing is decoy. You are at every event and conference that catches your fancy.

The Emerging Leadership conference -Present

The Praying and Sexy wife gig- Present

Running With and Without heels -Present

How to Rock your Toddler without Fuss -Present

101 Ways to Achieve Excellence -Present

NOK Wine Tasting Fiesta –Present

You are the hot speaker at events you have no claim to the microphone except that your wallet is too big to be ignored by organisers. Vacation is where you want it and when you decide, you aren’t waiting for that summer rush, it’s all about checking the weather updates before booking the flights.

You can lie down in peace and read ‘Everything Good Will Come’ again, then write a stale glowing review of the book and mail Sefi Atta to invite her to dinner, you can decide to call Toni Kan and discuss how to make Carnivorous City into a bestselling movie.

Then you get to be a wife just one weekend in four weeks, because rotational husband. So the chef cooks and sets the table for the king, you are only supervising. Then that weekend romp will not kill you, then you get to do all the supporting and cheering and whatever you have on your husband – care list for three days and you are back to being a full time free-bird for another 27 days.

Isn’t that sweet? Why do girls even fight polygamy? I think there is rest and bliss in sharing.

Before you start calling me  names, this is not my real handwriting.

We are in this monogamy together by fire by force. *Rises up to make semolina for the husband*

Follow me on twitter –  @bimbolababs

Nostalgia : Pleasant Memories

It was a Thursday morning and I was walking behind these cute boys and their mom heading to school. Mom was holding the younger one, while the other walked beside them carrying his school bag and food pack in his white joggers and blue vest; Thursdays must be their sport activity day.

Little brother dropped his pencil but momma wasn’t looking at them, she concentrated on making it to school as depicted by her pace. The little one had to signal to his brother to pick up the pencil; little big brother did and held on to the pencil. Like a flash, the little one protested and made some funny faces at his brother who didn’t wait to think about anything before handing the pencil over to its owner. I smiled! God knows how many times the pencil would drop before their final destination. And that brought me pleasant memories.

Growing up, my big brother led me to nursery class every day. We got a coin each for lunch and I would hold my 10 kobo in my hand. School was a little distance down the quarters and we trekked like most kids. The bladder holds so little and for shorter periods as kids and I was no exception, it only came with the drama of most cute girls (winks).

You know little girls can be dramatic when they have to pee, I think they wait till their tiny bladder is about to give way before frantically pull down the panties and pull up their dress with some funny dance to accompany the activity. I would stop by to pee and most time I dropped the coin unknowingly while ‘doing’ the drama.

Time after time, I dropped the coin and when I grasped that the coin was gone, and I would cry so hard that Niyi would give me his coin. Sweet brother! Yet I never allowed him to hold the coin for me till we get to school.

Now, I think Niyi should have collected the coin from home and kept till we got to school or he should have allowed me cry out my eyes if I refused and loose the coin eventually. But wasn’t that why we were children; pure in thoughts, innocence in acts and naive in reasoning?

I didn’t have the honour of harvesting this act as my younger brothers went to a different nursery school.  God knew I may not have given them my coin.

Sweet thing is big brother still has my back till now, grown and no longer in the same nest, he still shares his stuff with his father’s daughter.